from an article originally posted August 28, 2014…
I woke at 4am and decided not to return to sleep. I want to hang on to these last moments before big chemo starts again. Sadly, I know what this will be. I know how this will feel, how I will exit this morning’s injection.
from an article originally posted August 27, 2014…
This morning I will be heading into a minor surgery to get my port placed again. A port is an amazing medical device set within my arteries to deliver the healing poison to my body and protect my veins. I wept over this having to return to my body. They feel foreign, uncomfortable, and just remind me constantly that I’m sick. The use of the port has grown to be hard for me. Accessing it and flushing it with heparin often causes me to vomit. But these are the steps we take to extend my days, fight this beast, and hopefully destroy the cancer that is so aggressive in my body.
Hospital sleeping arrangements are the worst. When we had our daughter, she was in the NICU, and they transferred us to an older room at the end of the hallway. All night long we would hear carts and medical personal traveling back and forth. I was so incredibly ready to go home at the end of that week and sleep in my own bed.
from an article originally posted August 25, 2014…
One of the hardest aspects of disease is the unbalanced priority it places on the one that is sick. It’s an impossible balance to face. As a mama, one wants to be the platform from which your children spring into the heights and depths of life. I have always wanted to be the safe landing place, the bright spring board, the solid place from which my children leap into the very best of life. As a mama, I’m their living example of goodness in faith. I point, pray, prepare my children to leap from the safety of my faith and jump into a walk with Jesus all their own. It is my joy, my high calling, and my delight to live the truth of faith before my children.
from an article originally posted August 24, 2014…
I am really struggling this round of bad news. Typically I struggle for a time, a moment, a day, then I get on board with the plan and move into peace, joy, extending myself beyond what I feel able for the joy of each day. I still feel the momentary feeling of I’m here, thank you, but I’m struggling with the unfolding plan.
