Last week, I hit a milestone in my quest for rest: I felt anxious. We were getting ready for a party at a friend’s house, a place I’ve been to several times, a low-key event with people I love, and yet my introvert self felt agitated and shy and tired and reluctant to go. At first I didn’t recognize what those feelings added up to, and then it hit me—anxiety. For the first time in a long time, maybe even years, I felt anxious. This means that these months of attempting to rest—the PT, deep-tissue massage, dry needling, medications, trauma yoga, clear calendar, tapping, deep breathing, meditation, early bedtime, stretching routine—are finally starting to work. My body has relaxed enough for me to feel physical stress! Hallelujah.
from an article originally posted July 11, 2014...
This week has been full, unbelievably full of emotion. So much so that I can hardly handle it all. Today Jason has noticed a quiet in me, and I knew I simply need to come to this place of words and process it all. After months—I mean months—of waiting and prayer, my dear friend Shellie returned from the DRC with her beloved husband and son. Home at last! I can hardly believe they are home at last. The homecoming was unbelievable—tears, joy, laughter. I came home snuggled in bed and looked over and over at the picture of the amazing moment mama and baby boy walked around the corner. I simply stood and cried seeing her beautiful face walk around the corner. It was the moment where you realize God is able, able to do more than we can think or imagine. The moment where you see God’s hand making a way where there seemed to be no way.
Next year will mark the 20th anniversary of my parents’ deaths. As that date approaches (looms?), several things stand out to me about those days of intense grief, specifically how others responded to the news. I was 20 and a junior in college; college is a tough time to lose your parents for many reasons, but one is that your peers, although technically adults, don’t have much life experience and really don’t know how to respond. They say and do, well, clumsy things… One of the most clumsy things said to me was a gal who told me she understood how I felt losing my mother and father because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. I imagine she later thought about that and felt really lame, but plenty of adults said things that were hurtful, too, like, I guess God needed another angel (for the record, when you die, you don’t become an angel—there is no place in the Bible that says that) or They’re in a better place. I couldn’t imagine a better place for a mother to be than with her five children, especially as I comforted my 12- and 14-year-old siblings.
from an article originally posted July 8, 2014...
Oh dear, dear summer—you have been so good to us. Moments full of depths of woes and heights of joy. We have embraced all that has been given and attempted to live fully in each moment. The comfortable space beside the loves in our life. We have tasted the goodness of God and also been reminded how temporary this place is. We take each moment in gratitude.
I feel as if the last decade of my life has been filled with constant change. We have moved numerous times (including internationally three times), had babies, graduated, changed jobs, gone back to school, on and on the list goes. Every year has a new change. The challenges aren’t as much in the change themselves, although that’s not easy, but the challenge lies in staying faithful and steady. How do I stay faithful in this season of constant change? The temptation to slack off seems bigger when there is so much going on.