On the upper side of the earth’s hemisphere, if you keep traveling north, it gets colder and darker, depending on the time of year. I live in a pretty northern part of the world where winters mean darkness creeping over around 4 PM and sun rising well after 8 AM. Our “summers” aren’t much warmer although the sun stays out for much longer. But rain and grey often damper our summers for weeks at a time.
I awoke to my husband’s alarm as usual and I didn’t even need to look outside. I could feel the chill that had settled in the house. Yes, another day of rain and grey. Before I even rolled out of bed, my heart started failing.
This particular day, my husband needed the car, which meant I was stuck in our village, no shops close by, for the entire day. I have no friends nearby and my heart started spiraling into self-pity and despair. Everything against me. After I got the big ones to school, I fed the littles breakfast and turned on the TV. I left it on. I sat there watching TV in the middle of the morning and let them watch, too. For hours.
The big kids came home and we did our thing and by nightfall, I was depleted. My heart bitterly broken.
Thankfully, in God’s providence, I had a Skype call planned that evening with a wonderful friend and counselor. I told her about my decisions and she reminded me of a beautiful truth—this life is a battle and our war is against spiritual forces. What seemed to me to be a wallowing of self-pity and making bad choices was not just that, but also had sin and temptation behind it.
Every choice I make will have an impact on who I will become. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with watching TV or watching it in the morning. But I knew that at this moment, my decision to watch TV was actually a decision to indulge in self pity instead of serve my family.
But, GOD. He gives us another day and another chance! His mercies are fresh every morning! I woke up the next morning and began my battle with fresh, aware eyes. What choices was I going to make, even before getting up? I needed to talk to my heart before it failed me. I needed Scripture, prayer, and to remind myself this is war and I have the Victorious King on my side!
What kind of woman do I want to be in 5 years, in 10 years, in 20 years? I have a vision. I’ve seen that kind of woman I want to be. Patient, loving, kind, Godly. The Titus 2 woman. What I do today and what decision I make in each little moment is molding me into the woman I will be. At the end of the day, we are what we decide in those little moments.
I like to think that when tragedy hits or something really hard comes my way, I’ll deal with it with grace and a deep trust in Jesus. But that only will come with practice. If I can’t trust Jesus when the weather is grey and I have no car, how will I trust Him when something worse happens? I am on a journey. A journey of trusting God and asking for His help as I make my decisions for my day. My journey has lots and lots of detours and plenty of walking backwards instead of forwards, but there is the promise of that fresh start in the morning!
When your heart fails you before you’ve even gotten up, let’s look to Christ. Let’s remember that He has faced sin and overcome it, He is pleading our cause before God, and He is our helper. Tomorrow, grey sky or not, we can face the battle head on. Let’s journey together, friends, to our Helper.