from an article originally posted July 2, 2014...
Oh my soul, I simply love people. Cancer has taught me the importance of relationships. People are the filter through which the best of life is lived. I also love there is no end to love. A new heart to come to my door right now, and I would be richer for knowing that life. It’s astounding.
I have this little corner of arrogance I have pridefully spoken about lately. There is a thing or a speak among Christians called fear of man. Basically, it’s caring too much what others think. Before cancer I lived unbelievably tied in those knots. I genuinely love others, but I also wore myself out trying to make the unhappy happy, the grumpy joyful, the lonely not so lonely. I did it not for the glory of God, but the glory of Kara. This was a season of knots, sins, weakness and often driven by fear. Cancer loosened those knots. Cancer showed me the power of relationship without the fear of failing another. I simply knew the comfort that I would fail another. I simply would. But I could not let that stop me from enjoying the best of friendship. Life took on a different hue when I wasn’t trying so hard to win. I had a bit of strength in my weakness to enjoy life instead of compete at it.
And just as I have become confident in this corner of living, Jesus gently shows me how far I have to go. Guess how he showed me today? My acknowledgement section of my book. Today I have to turn over my final edits to my publishing company. Today is my last crack at remembering everyone that has mattered in my life. Oh, how I feel those old knots returning. I feel almost nauseous thinking about leaving someone out, forgetting a love, not naming a friend. I feel those impossible fears of letting someone down pressing down on me. There is part of me that wants to delete all I have written and simply write, Thank you. But this verbose mama cannot do that. So I have read and reread my acknowledgement section. I have prayed and asked for my weak memory to suddenly become sharp. I have giggled over the impossibility of remembering everyone. The unique challenges of a dying extrovert... It’s my lot in life—naming the faces upon faces I have loved and who have loved me in return. It’s a great problem to have...well, kind of.
This picture makes me laugh so hard. This is my face—my are you serious? face. Kind of like this silly post...
So friends, I love you. Friends, I could never say it loud enough or long enough, or well enough—you are the best of life. Thank you for bearing with this one life. Thank you for embracing me in all my foibles and quirks and delighting in the unique way I have been made. Thank you.
Now I’m off to ride into this day and press the send button one last time. Copy edit is done, my final review is almost done... October will be here before we know it and this book will be in the hands of those who wish to hear my feeble struggling and naming of grace in this life, this one blessed life.
How is your personality made that makes you simultaneously rejoice and cringe? How does Jesus love you in that place?