Kara’s Collection: Cautiously Optimistic

From an article originally posted December 12, 2013…

Yesterday was a good day. It was a great, good day. Since the start of my story with cancer it was the first call that didn’t have my sad oncologist on the other end of the line. I cried yesterday. I laughed, I danced, and I explained this good news in excruciating detail to my kids. It was my first good news to share.

In bed with my oldest, I explained my neck down news. She asked about the neck up; I told her we wait. It’s hard for Jason and me to fully celebrate, knowing this is the test we are really anxious about the results. We long to be optimistic. We want to have hope. But last night we had the hard conversation that cancer has entered my blood stream, and how do we rejoice, but also live realistically? This is currently our struggle. Embracing the good news today, this moment, and not living in fear of tomorrow’s news.

I should have slept sound last night, but I hardly slept at all. A mix of anxiety and elation kept me wide eyed and watching a guilty pleasure into the wee hours of the morning. The rejoicing over my story made my heart sing. It was time Team Tippetts had a win. The prayers of so many were heard. Then why couldn’t I rest in the good news? Ugh. I really want to live in hope, but I think this journey has me wearied and cynical. So many kindnesses were shared, so much love from this community. I’m blessed, so richly blessed.

I feel like I’m living in a bit of a fog. There are so many parties, gift exchanges, concerts, dinners, I’m barely keeping everything straight. I’m constantly pestering my mama friends with the same questions. Stress makes me feel like I’m living in Groundhog Day. This sweet community of mamas has loved me so sacrificially. Mamas cleaned my home, sat on my couch and listened to my fears, held up my weary arms in this battle. They must be wearied of this battle. But they keep showing up, keep loving, keep patiently walking with our family.

I cannot thank each of you enough for your prayers and kindness. Thank you for sharing my story, rejoicing over my news, and continuing to pray for our family. Thank you all!