From an article originally posted December 10, 2013…
I find myself in the midst of another day for my grace dress. This dress is tired, this dress is worn. I hold it to the light and see the hard year it has lived. Every chemo, most radiations, surgeries, hard appointments, sad days and many sad nights, this dress has seen better days.
This dress is the reminder for me of grace showing up. This dress is the reminder of sweet friendship. I have friends that would take the very shirt or, in this case, dress off their back for me. That community of friends has grown since I first received this dress. I am rich in friendship. So rich. My grace dress is a comfortable reminder that I’m loved, walked with, not alone when I enter the scary snort today. No one can be with me, I wouldn’t want you there. I hope you never know these scary snorts, but in so many ways you are with me.
Recently, I showed up on a bad day wearing my grace dress. My dear friend that gave it to me said she hates it. I get what she means. She doesn’t hate the dress, she hates the continued need for it. She hates the return of cancer, hard days, desperately seeking grace in suffering. I get it. I do, too.
But I will never, never, never, never stop looking for the kind grace of God that shows up on my hard days. I have known so much love and grace through this journey. I have been walked with, supported, carried, and loved in more ways than I could ever imagine. It’s time to face the snort. What hard are you facing today? There will be grace! Are you looking for it?
I wonder today what sweet mercies God has for me as I go to be injected with radioactive sugar and put into the tube... The snort... The identifier of cancer.