Kara’s Collection: My Ugly, His Faithfulness

From an article originally posted October 26, 2013…

I cannot properly describe the mix of emotions I felt yesterday. I can hardly swallow the pill of the current reality I’m facing. I find myself making inappropriate jokes about my brain tumor as it seems easier than facing it.

Early Thursday morning, the call came from my sweet Anna that she was in active labor. She and Andrew had offered me the gift of my life in inviting me to be with them for the delivery of their sweet baby girl. But how could these two events be colliding? I needed to be there for the birth of this dear, sweet baby, and I NEEDED to get rid of my brain tumor. Look at that sentence. That is a sentence I never expected to write.

Andrew graciously invited me to join them early in the labor. He was so sweet and attentive. Anna was tired and focused. I sat there and relished the sweet love that was growing between them as they partnered in her labor.

Beautiful Anna was being very closely monitored as heart rates of mama and baby were on the high side. Andrew offered such gentle encouragement and support of his bride. He would turn and give me anxious glances. His words remained calm and tender. It was a gift to behold.

Then the text from my guy came: it was time for me to leave for my radiation. Jason was patiently waiting in the lobby for me. My heart was broken. I cried leaving. In the quiet car ride I cried out against cancer. I cried that it was a robber, stealing my joy and heart’s desire to be in a delivery.

I walked into treatment to see the face of a dear friend that came to sit with Jason. I met his kindness with the complaint of being taken from Anna’s side. The treatment team came, again, I complained. I told them my story. They met me with kindness and care. They took me to meet my new snort. I named this one The Stink Eye. It may have been one of the weirdest experiences of my life.

The kind team at the hospital heard my heartbreak. As I was in with the miraculous Stink Eye dealing with my brain tumor, they started the paperwork with Jason to discharge me immediately when I was done. Thirty-five minutes and 89 direct beams of radiation and I was finished. I walked out to find myself discharged and ready to leave. Can you believe that? I walked out.

I was afraid to send a text to see where Anna was in her labor. I texted Jen and the response was, Kara you are going to make it! I could hardly believe what I read! I turned to Jason and implored him with all that I had in me to speed as fast as he could (something he rarely does)!

And, as you know, I MADE IT! It was a highlight of my life to see a friend so dear to me deliver a covenant child into this world with such strength and grace. Cancer did not have the last word today! My grumbling heart did not get what my grumbling heart deserved that day. Despite my hard heart and grumpy attitude I was blessed with the fulfilling of a dream of my life: to attend the birth of someone I love. I know I said I didn’t have a bucket list; if I did, one beautiful desire was fulfilled Thursday, October 24, when Andrew and Anna included me in the miracle of the birth of Abigail Grace George.

What grace the entire day was that I simply couldn’t see. The fact that a sweet life entered this world in exactly the right moment, and that, through modern medicine, a brain tumor was eradicated from my head and I could stand and walk out of the room after and be with Anna. UNBELIEVABLE! Such amazing, reckless grace!

Pictures courtesy of my dear Jen! Beautiful in telling our story of love and grace! I love you Abigail Grace! What an unforgettable day!

What a day, what a day! I’m so blessed to be alive! How is Jesus extending you grace despite your grumpy heart?