From an article originally posted September 26, 2013…
I’m visual, and I’m forgetful. I forget what grace there was last year. I crumbled in the office when the doctor told me chemo might be in my future. I told him I couldn’t, he told me I would. I wept big tears. He couldn’t possibly understand what he was asking of me. My other doctor told me I might have another hill to climb. He was gentle. He patted my shoulder, he wanted to cry too, I think.
I keep thinking of the moment I wake up from surgery. When will I be lucid enough to understand? It’s waking from one bizarre and horrible dream into another. My visual mind was going where it shouldn’t. My heart was growing too heavy at the prospect of the journey I have once traveled. So I decided to take two of my favorite things: the amazing gifts of Jen Lints and her photography and music, The Rend Collective Experiment: Broken Bread. I needed to remind myself of the journey I traveled last year. Remind myself that our family made it through the storm. Looking back at the grace reminds me that the grace will be there each step next year.
I’m fighting with all that I have to not submit to the slavery of fear. What have I to be afraid of? If truly scripture is true and to live is Christ, and to die is gain...What should I fear? If I’m granted breath—Christ, if my days turn up drastically numbered—gain.
I made this short video to be reminded of God in His great goodness showing up for this weak vessel. I trust Him.
There are so many that were on this journey with me not in this video, I almost feel like making the yearbook Not Listed page. But I know my community knows how I love them. These are specifically the beautiful images from my favorite Jen/ unmarred by my bad iPhone pictures. Thank you for taking the time to watch.
Below is the short video I made of my journey last year: Grace Behind Me! Grace Before Me! My year battling cancer.