Kara’s Collection: Half Way

From an article originally posted May 7, 2013…

Today I hit the halfway point with radiation. There is a part of me that feels like celebrating and another part of me that is feeling the side effects more sharply. I’m growing tired earlier in the day. Some of the simplest chores take all of the wind out of my sails. I sometimes despair over the simplest chores. I look at my aching skin and wonder if it can withstand 14 more treatments.

Today was doctor day. It was a good meeting with my Radiologist, possibly the best yet. I told him how I’m struggling with chills in the afternoon. He said it wasn’t from radiation but most likely from my hormone imbalance from chemo.

I laughed hard and agreed, “You are ABSOLUTELY right; I’m imbalanced.” He looked anxious, and said he didn’t mean anything bad. I laughed even harder, and assured him he was spot on with his assessment. He then let himself laugh really hard too. As we were leaving the office, he patted my back and told me to hang in there. It was a kindness, and I greatly appreciated it.

All weekend I prayed to have some special time with each of the kids before school is out. Yesterday, I kept Ella with me. I wanted her to see a bit of my journey. I wanted time to connect with her. We needed it. I needed it, she needed it. I spent every bit of my energy on this sweet girl. Jason came home and was beaming with pride that the day went well. He ushered me to a restful spot and loved us all through our bedtime routine.

We ended the day snuggled in the chair. I was so tired I almost needed Jason to carry me to bed, but it was the best most worthy exhaustion I have felt in a long time. In the midst of this new trial of radiation, we have functioned in get through it mode, but to have a day of intentional time with Ella was so nice. Today, my energy is still gone. I look forward to my day with another of my children. I love them so.

My dear Susan came with me today. Her gentle kindness is restful and easy. She sweetly shared her story with me over tea. How I love to hear from the hearts of others. Thank you friend.