Kara’s Collection: Forgive me

From an article originally posted November 13, 2012…

A few weeks ago I was out to dinner with some friends. My friend said she wanted to come to my chemo because it looked like such a party. I know she was teasing, but what she said really struck me. I so highly value honesty, and I believe I have been honest through my struggles, but then I post pictures like this in chemo....

I’m sure it’s a little self-preservation, but I was struck that it isn’t completely honest. I talked to my dear friend and photographer Jen about this. I gave her access to take real pictures. This last treatment was so bad. So bad. I struggle to look at these pictures. The face of cancer grieves my heart and causes me much anxiety for my next treatment. As I was in the hospital, I thought this is what dying of cancer will feel like. I won’t be able to communicate and I will watch the people I love struggle as they watch me suffer. Here is an honest account from pictures Jason and Jen took.

I was actually afraid to look at the pictures Jen took. I hardly remember the entire day it was so bad. But as I just now opened them in my Dropbox, I was filled with such gratitude. Oh, how I love this Anna. Her love is straight from Jesus. This is what cancer really looks like, but look at what is more powerful—love. So much more powerful. Jen, I hate and love these images. They are painfully beautiful.

Jason’s aunt sent me this email today:

Matthew 9:35-36 
Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheet having no shepherd.

As Ron Mehl writes in his little book, The Cure for a Troubled Heart 

“The disciples, after all, only saw crowds. Jesus saw people. The disciples saw a great throng, an unpredictable mob, a massive logistics problem. Jesus saw individual men, women, boys, and girls. The disciples saw people as they were at the moment, trudging up a hillside in the morning sunlight. Jesus saw life histories. The disciples were probably amazed by the sheer numbers of people seeking out their Master. Jesus was moved with compassion by the needs of each soul.”
Precious Kara, you have caught Jesus’ attention. You are not just one of the crowd. Not even just one of the thousands fighting stinkin’ cancer. He sees YOUR pain, your life history and is moved with compassion. Oh, don’t you love this God of ours? 

I love picturing you wrapped in the warmth and love of your community, 

I am seen, praise be.