This is from a blog post originally posted August 8, 2012.
I have had my fun. I have cut off my hair, and now I’m sporting the most platinum white hair you ever saw. It’s fun, it’s different, it’s unlike anything I have ever done. I still shock myself when I walk by the mirror.
Yesterday, the kids found one of my favorite scarves. I have spent many cold nights in this so lavender scarf. It’s a bit picked and tattered, but I love this scarf. It was given to me by a special friend from India.
I decided to tie it on my head to see how I would look. Immediately, I thought Argggg, matey! I felt a bit piratey, but as I continued to look, it struck me as a new kind of pretty. My hair was mostly hiding, and I felt I could face this. I grew almost hopeful.
Jason came upstairs, I told him to wait, that I had something I was excited to show him. He was standing by the bathroom sink; I ran to get the scarf. As I turned the corner, wearing my lovely scarf, Jason slowly began to break down in tears. He told me I looked beautiful, but this new reality broke his heart. He certainly doesn’t want to see me sick. I forgot that it took me a good bit to swallow the reality of what the scarf represented. Bless his tender heart; this isn’t going to be easy for any of us.
We have a lot to learn through this process. We have a lot of tears to cry and a lot of prayers to pray. Cancer is a big pill to swallow. Once you think you have swallowed it, a new reality presents itself. I feel like we are waiting for a new schedule or a new normal to set in that will give us some kind of normalcy. I don’t think it exists in this new season.
My sweet friend found old pictures of me in the scarf I mentioned.