Many of you have asked about accessing Kara’s old blog posts. You might remember a few months ago when her site broke, and when the new site was posted, the old posts didn’t roll over. Per Kara’s request, we will begin reposting her original blog posts from August 2012. Isn’t that just like her? To think of her reader friends and what we would yearn for after she has left us? To comfort our hearts as our lives go back to the mundane and we attempt to figure out life without her? To read her story from the beginning and see God’s grace intertwined in the details of her life, her battles, her joys, her fears? We pray you will understand God’s love for his children on a deeper level through reading these details of Kara’s story. Thank you for your love and support of Kara and her family.
From a blog originally posted August 2, 2012
One day last week I was undone by an article that listed my life expectancy. The article itself was sent in love with great advice on exercise, but all my simple mind could see was the statistical data for how long I would live. Up until that point, Jason and I had been broken and crying, but so full of peace. That evening I could not sleep, I was sick, and I continually added the number listed to each of my children and lost my peace.
Grace showed up the next day in a big, big way. I finally got out of bed around 4:45am. I came downstairs to read scripture and fight my way back to peace. The lovely thing about having friends back East is that I could text and find someone awake. I sent out about 10 of the same texts: “Pray for me, super anxious, peace is gone.” Finally a woman responded, “CALL ME RIGHT NOW.” The mother of the woman I mentored had been up on and off through the night praying for me. This dear woman prayed, calmed my spirit, and then prayed I would go back to sleep, which I did.
When I woke up, I was in bad shape. I asked my neighbor if she could take Lake for the day, and a friend asked if she could bring me dinner. I asked her if she minded coming to my house and watching Story Jane. She came. My neighbor took Lake, and the big girls were at Glen Eyrie day camp.
I then called a woman I know who has walked the road I am on. She came at 1pm to take me for a walk. She offered joy in the midst of pain, and hope for a beautiful story all my own. I felt my peace being restored each moment of this very difficult day.
I came home from the walk to my dear friend cooking, cleaning, and playing with my girl. I looked at her and asked if she would mind if I took a nap. She scooted me off to bed. When I woke up I realized Jen Lints was coming to take our last family pictures in which I would have hair. I walked downstairs bleary eyed and uncertain what our gang was going to wear for the pictures. I looked at my friend; she said, “You said you liked my dress.” She then literally took the dress off her back and gave it to me. That’s right—I really have those kinds of friends. Friends that would interrupt their day, take my children, clean my house, cook me food, take my family picture, pray for me at all hours of the day, take me on walks to explain my path, and literally give me the shirt (dress) off their back. I have been daily humbled by the grace that has shown up.
I call this dress my grace dress. I wear it to anything that feels hard. Yesterday, I cut off all my hair so it won’t be as hard for the kids when I lose it. I wore my grace dress. I will be wearing it to my first chemo treatment. I literally wore it for three days in a row after my dear friend gave it to me. Jason said his love and grace for me would be to wash it. After my haircut last night, I came home and decided to sleep in it. You see, cutting my hair was not the hard part; I have many times in my life had short hair. It’s why I had to cut it that was a hard pill to swallow. I really do like the cut, like it short, loved the special time with my big seester, but at the end of the day, my next step is bald. Grace will have to show up like a comfy gray coon dress. I know it will, and I’m so thankful for the dress as my reminder.
Thank you, all, those who have walked with me near and those who are walking just as closely from a distance. I have felt so very loved. Our family has been embraced, been prayed for, and miraculous peace has shown up in real ways. I know I am not facing cancer alone. Hard days are coming, and I’m counting on you all to point me to the grace that I know is waiting for me in those days.