Kara’s Collection: The Beautiful Rough Road

Kara’s Collection: The Beautiful Rough Road

from an article originally posted October 27, 2014…

Waiting, waiting, I have been waiting to feel better. I keep looking around the corner of this disease to find the sunrise of normal to rise. Yesterday, I turned to Jason and asked him what it felt like to feel normal. I asked him what if felt like to not feel weak. I feel like I’m starting to forget. Instead of embracing the moment of feeling a bit better, I’m beginning to panic over the coming treatment. But I remember enough of normal living and loving to long, long, long for a day of normal. I plan normal days, dream of events where we are all present and strong. Not huge strong, but sweet walk-on-a-fall-day strong, sit-by-a-fire-with-a-book strong, laughter-through-tears strong. He turned to me and said, I forget normal too; I have a wife with cancer.

Kara’s Collection: Future love—the art of cherishing life

Kara’s Collection: Future love—the art of cherishing life

from an article originally posted October 23, 2014…

Since the birth of my first daughter, I have written my journals in light of them one day being read. They are simply a family history. The small, silly moments captured, the hard journey in life we have traveled. The honest assessment of each day. So I have journal after journal capturing the essence of our life. One day soon I will reread them to remember those exhausted, amazing days of life with my littles. It was important writing, because in the midst of sleep deprivation, it’s hard to remember. I look forward to revisiting those most precious years I captured in my journals. One day my children may want to read that journey. Maybe not, but it will be there for them. I was always careful to journal with freedom. Some weeks I would write and write, some months the entire month would pass before I would write. But I gave myself freedom.

Kara’s Collection: Blessed Today

Kara’s Collection: Blessed Today

from an article originally posted October 21, 2014…

I have today, and I’m spending it beside my loves. I’m tasting and knowing the goodness of family. I am fighting to enjoy the moments shared with loves. But each day, as I wake to new mercies, I also wake to new pain, new places that feel to be hardening. The daily fight to find the grace when the story of me is fading. I can lose my peace when I think too far into the future. I can suffocate if I wonder how many more days I’ll be granted. I can shatter into a puddle if I begin to wonder over the coming holidays.

Kara’s Collection: Big Love

Kara’s Collection: Big Love

from an article originally posted October 18, 2014…

How do you love when you are at the bottom of yourself? The last gulp of a drink you feel tentative to swallow? How do you swallow that last gulp of life and fight to live it well? I’m struggling today, and I knew it would be a hard one. Chemo brings a low that I struggle with words to describe. And on top of the yucks, pain seems to be growing. And with the growing pain is the growing knowledge that my cancer is likely growing. To say it’s discouraging, well, that word feels simple.

Kara’s Collection: The Giant Little Moments

Kara’s Collection: The Giant Little Moments

from an article originally posted October 16, 2014…

Last night I served my community group grilled cheese and tomato soup. But the feast was the heart sharing, the safe place, the time together. Time spent being a safe place for each other. Sharing the strength and weakness of our lives. We spoke in simple terms. Asked simple heart questions, and laughed and pondered how might we love one another better.