Unknown, poured out, and lonely

Unknown, poured out, and lonely

You know the loneliness even in the midst of a crowded room? You’re at the party of your colleague’s birthday and no one approaches you or seems to notice you. The sermon has wrapped up and everyone seems to have friends and a reason for  conversation while you’re awkwardly standing there, not sure where to go. You start a new school or new job... On and on the list can go. It even happens to me, the extrovert who will talk to anyone at a get-together; I often leave a gathering feeling unknown, poured out, and lonely.

Kara’s Collection: Proudly on the Naughty List!

Kara’s Collection: Proudly on the Naughty List!

From an article originally posted December 5, 2013…

I have been quietly struggling with the paradox of the American holiday we find ourselves in the midst of today. I do not wish to enter the Santa-no-Santa debate. It is one Jason and I have wrestled through and come to a comfortable peace in our home. The debate is intense and often unkind;  it’s almost as unkind as the political conversation in our nation. For that reason, I have backed away. But I will comment on a heart to the holiday that I think is troubling.

The Grace of Presence

The Grace of Presence

One day last year, I was visiting Kara. After a short time, she excused herself to the sanctuary of her bedroom to find rest; her hospice nurse had been there earlier and had increased her pain medications, making her feel nauseated and tired. I offered to help her up the stairs. The cancer had spread to her bones and muscles by that time, making simple tasks difficult. She said she would be okay on her own, so we kissed goodbye and I gathered my things to go home.

Kara’s Collection: Quiet

Kara’s Collection: Quiet

From an article originally posted December 12, 2013…

I decided to spend one cd this morning cleaning. After the carnage of the week, I knew I could get buried in the heaps and mounds of fun that were had by all. The Nerf gun bullets strewn, the towels soiled, the fridge filled with joyful cooking that has slowly passed its prime. I clean through the gifted EP from Tim Timmons. It reminds me of truth and is brief; I’m not up for a long morning of cleaning. It’s just not in me today. I decided to catch up on the memories of the week past. So much living done in such a short time, and I don’t want it forgotten. So I sit, I remember, I feel thankful and filled.

Kara’s drawer

Kara’s drawer

Jason recently wrote about the shock of looking around to see Kara is gone. It’s been over a year now, and I find grief to be a strange creature. I think often that I am so thankful for the friendship we got to have. What a gift! Some long for that very thing and no matter how much more time I would have liked, I am so very grateful for what I had.