Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10
I must admit that I stole this verse from a friend. Can you steal a Bible verse? I’m not sure. I saw them mention it and knew I needed it. Look at all the variations of this verse. All the ways to say this same thing. Basically, God’s saying STOP IT. Stop it. Do you hear me? How many ways can I tell you the same thing?
From an article originally posted May 20, 2013…
Sunday night I struggle to sleep. Anxiety builds for Monday mornings dawn and another treatment. But I give thanks this is my last Sunday night. I give thanks that the end is in sight. I’m tired. I’m beginning to feel how extremely tired I really am. So tired a long nap won’t help.
After our holiday guests went home and Aaron went back to work, the children and I struggled this week to get back to normal. They both greet me with Merry Christmas, Mommy! in the morning, and then when they realize the tree is STILL gone, and there is not a "Baby Cheeses" anywhere in sight, they tell me how sad they are and how much they miss Christmas. It was a week of tiny bickering, obedience challenges, lots of tears (from babies and mama!), an epic diaper rash, and lots of texts out to friends and sisters asking [begging] for prayer. I searched for gifts of grace high and low but always found them.
One gift I was really looking forward to and that helped sustain me through the week was church this morning; I couldn't wait to be with my Westside family, being led in worship by our totally hot worship leader and sitting under Jason's teaching. And, of course, fellowshipping with my friends. Ah, I knew it would be a balm to my heart after the rough week.
And then...before his bath last night, Von started coughing and sneezing. I tried to explain it away in my head--dust got up his nose or his asthma was triggered or he was dehydrated. But listening to him through the monitor all night told me otherwise. And joining him on the couch when he got up at 4:45 confirmed my fears: he has a full-blown cold. Poor baby. As Kara would say, he is puny. There was no way I could drag this sick boy to church.
My disappointment almost feels overwhelming. And even as I type this, I think, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful church family even if I can't go this week! Why are you complaining? Think of your friends who actually have something going on worth complaining about!
But I write because I know that God cares about every disappointment and hurt we have, that there is no measuring stick comparing our heartaches. That when someone says, This is so small compared to some hurts/prayer requests/situations, it's not true--hurt is hurt, pain is pain, disappointment is disappointment. God cares about every single hurt feeling, disappointment, broken heart, twinge of sadness that we have ever encountered.
So I search for grace. In the midst of this hard mama day, my disappointment over missing church, my sadness for my sick baby, and the anger that threatens to creep up in my heart, I search for grace. I start with prayer and asking others for prayer, begging God to open my eyes to his lavish gifts.
This is the first gift I've found--a song my sisters Erin and Caitlin have told me about that they both love. I am learning it, praying it, meditating on it. And it is a gift. If you are searching for grace this morning, I hope and pray this is a gift for you, too.
#Gracemonger
What hurts and disappointments are you dealing with today? Where have you found gifts of grace? How are you a gracemonger today?
I have a new friend whom I met through the Mundane Faithfulness Community. Like many of my friends from that group, she has taught me to see life and hardship through a different lens, choose joy with more intentionality, and fight to see glimpses of grace even on the most difficult of days. One of the things she does that I love is post her “grace sightings” on Facebook; sometimes they are giant gifts from friends or family but often they are as subtle as a kind word or gesture that met her that day.
From an article originally posted May 12, 2013…
I have noticed a trend this year. I have seen a lot of Facebook posts, blogs, comments circling around what pastors should not say on Mother’s Day. I have felt an anxiety for my guy. There is a lot of hurt surrounding this day, and we all long for someone to be sensitive to us in our pain. I understand. Hurt for those who have lost their mamas, hurt for those who have a broken relationship with their mama, hurt for those who have not found the man in their life to make them a mama, and women with great longing to be a mama and struggle with infertility. Oh how deeply these hurts hurt. This year I hurt, because instead of being the mama I have wanted to be, my residence has been my bed.
