From an article originally posted April 16, 2013…
Over and over yesterday on the news, the short clip of the bombings kept playing. I continued to watch the events in horror. Out of the first plume of smoke a bunch of yellow balloons lifted into the air. All evening my mind speculated over that chilling image. My heart ached at the thought of a proud child letting go of those treasures in pain.
It’s a dull ache that starts in my belly and slowly creeps up until my eyes fill with tears. Sometimes it doesn’t creep so high and I can ignore it. Sometimes I can’t ignore it.
Loneliness.
Loneliness has been my companion for a couple of years now. I lack community and true friends who are physically present. In the past, I tasted the sweetness of deep friendships, true community, love that is safe and free; yet after another move, I’ve lost all that.
I struggle with jealousy in a way I have never experienced in my life. I look at people and long for carefree thinking. I long to be anxious over things like my weight, kids’ behavior, education, politics, the environment, or farming and food production. I never have been much of a worrier. I rarely struggled with anxiety or getting stuck in my head. Certainly, I experienced these things in the intense moments of life, but not on a regular day-to-day basis.
On this episode of MFP, we introduce my baby sister, Caitlin, and talk to her about celebrating Christmas in a foreign country with her German husband who grew up in Kazakhstan, what traditions they’ve chosen to adopt into their family, and what she has learned about Christmas from her in-laws. Listener, beware: You are about to fall in love!
From an article originally posted April 4, 2013…
The sun is shining, spring is showing herself more welcome and lovely than ever. I, on the other hand, want to hide in my bed. Rough nights and fearful mornings have plagued me. Keeping life at a hurried speed has not stopped my coming reality.
