We lament often that the last month has been a roller coaster of events, but I like roller coasters. I need a new metaphor. Words simply do not do this summer justice. Jason and I laughed over dinner last night as I recollected, “Remember when we thought our move was so stressful?” Then he responded, “Remember when we shared publicly the stress and fear involved with the fire?” Then we sat quiet, not wanting to introduce Noodles and Company to our gift of tears.
Jason shares his thoughts on grieving and choosing joy on his family's first Mother's Day without Kara.
Last month, 3 weeks after Kara’s Homecoming, I spoke on community at a women’s retreat. When I was first approached about this opportunity several months ago, I was unsure. While community is one of my favorite topics, I had never done anything to this scale with sharing my heart in person. I immediately texted Kara. She basically insisted I do it, and she was my cheerleader as I prepared.
Last weekend we had our first major “first” without Kara: Story turned 6. She wanted a few friends and a Rock Star Birthday Party. No games—just a 6-year old hangout party. So that is what we did. Harper and a friend made all the decorations. I asked a neighbor, “What snacks do rock stars eat?” Her reply, “Laxatives and celery.” We opted to stray from the theme a bit for better snacks. Mickey made the cake according to Story’s specifications—lemon cake with lemon frosting and eyeballs.
We gathered to see Mickey. She was in town for Story’s birthday, and it felt as though a missing puzzle piece had been returned. Seeing her quiets something in us. Sets the world right again. It’s still tipped slightly off axis, as I imagine it always will be. But she’s there. She’s there, and peace slides around us again.
We arrived at Kara’s house—will we ever stop thinking of it that way?—and clutched coffee mugs in our hands. Talked. Even laughed. And then Jason announced that we were welcome to go up. That one piece of information we’d been avoiding as we drank in each other’s hearts. We were there for more than coffee. Even more than Mickey.
We were there to sort through Kara’s things.
