From an article originally posted December 15, 2013…
Struggling to sleep tonight. My mind is too full of the coming week. The one test is causing the list of details for next week to be confused. Excited children implore me to do a myriad Christmas events. I look at them with a blank stare, hardly able to remember days. Parties, gifts, the best of the season is going on and I cannot focus. I want to be present, smiling, there, but I’m distracted. It frustrates me, I don’t want these tests to steal mind space, moment’s peace. Similar to last year, I have purchased and hidden toys. I’m not sure what I’ve purchased or where I’ve hidden them. I’m not sure if I’ve been shopping equally, or if one child has excess and another barely has anything. My hope is after Tuesday the fog will clear.
There have been so many sweet moments of hope, love, and kindness to reflect on tonight. I am anxious about my coming tests, but I really do see grace. Grace for my fear today, and for tomorrow and each moment. Praying I show up to all the events present, ready to love as big as I have to give. That I spend each day spending it all.
This morning I get to head to my dear Westside Church and be reminded of love and grace. I get to be reminded of Emmanuel: God with us. I get to hug the faces, hear the hearts, and enjoy the gift of community that understands life isn’t tidy. I’m so very thankful.
Do you have a river you would like to skate away on today too?